Red Rain
by TwinkleFae
Summary: In an alternate New Moon world, why does Bella stand in the rain everyday?  Very very dark, triggers abound.
1. The Blower's Daughter

Once upon a time, I wrote most of this story. I found it today, and it was better than I remembered, so I'm posting it. It's very very dark, and there are triggers throughout. Do not read it if they bother you.

I do not own Twilight.

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 1 – The Blowers Daughter<span>

_And so it is,_

_Just like you said it should be_

_We'll both forget the breeze_

_Most of the time_

Bella Swan stood outside her house in the April rain, waiting. She could've stood on the porch, or even inside, but standing in the freezing cold rain made her feel alive in a way she hadn't been in a long time, the individual drops trickling down her skin; tiny pin pricks drawing blood to the surface. She was alone. She enjoyed the momentary reprieve from the eyes upon her, staring, waiting to see what she would do next. It was exhausting to keep it all in, to walk the line and make sure that they had nothing to complain about, but she knew the consequences of letting it slip. She wouldn't let them take what she had left. Nothing else had truly mattered since they left, and he had taken everything, all her hopes and dreams, with him.

She didn't want to go, this afternoon or any other time, but knew that there was no way out. Not now. She dreamed of floating away on a lazy river, escaping against all the odds. She turned her face up, let the numbness of the rain take her, soothing and cool, dulling the pain til it was tolerable. Not gone, never gone. Always there to remind her, whatever had been promised. The world ran red outside her door, and the only thing to do was go with the flow, drifting and bumping like a jellyfish in the current. But one day soon, she would find the courage and pull herself from the stream.

She stared at the trees, enjoying the return of the green; the burst buds pushing forward tiny leaves in an endless cycle of renewal. Soon it would be summer again... Pain rose up in her chest, stealing her breath and she let the thought go, a red balloon against a dark sky.

A car pulled up, and she walked grimly down the stairs.

* * *

><p>Chapter title and excerpt are from "The Blower's Daughter" by Damian Rice<p> 


	2. Last Resort

So, the whole story is written. I will update one chapter a day (as far as possible.) I would love to get some reviews and hear what you are thinking!

I don't own Twilight.

* * *

><p>Chapter 2 - Last Resort<p>

_No love for myself  
>And no love for another<br>Searching to find a love up on a higher level  
>Finding nothing but questions and devils <em>

Bella stood in front of the little white house again. It might have been the next day, or maybe a week later. She lost track of time frequently now, when there was no reason to pay attention. It didn't matter, the wheel of time kept grinding forward, crushing her day by day as it propelled her to graduation and the end.

That was how it always felt, when she thought about it, it would be the end of everything. One way or another. She swallowed the familiar panic like a red glow as it rose in her throat, a reflex reaction to a familiar situation. She envisioned the red running down with the rain, taking the pain and loneliness with it. The rain left her cold and numb as it ran down her skin. She closed her eyes, preferring the feeling numb to the panic. She could maintain the numbness, but had to choose her thoughts very carefully.

She was waiting for her ride to come and pick her up, just like it did everyday. There was no escaping it, especially not since her beautiful old red truck had broken down for the very last time. She had her suspicions about that, but she kept them to herself. She kept a lot to herself. She felt so full of things she kept to herself that one day soon she knew that she would burst, a torrent of knowledge flowing forth. But no one would be there to catch it and it would all wash down the drain, dripping and gurgling like a river that had flooded it's banks.

As she stared into the falling rain, she watched absently as a black Mercedes pulled up. It was something she'd dreamed about so often that she didn't react when one of the doors opened and Alice Cullen got out. It was her imagination, grown restless with disuse, taking her heart's desire and playing it out for her to watch. She had envisioned this scene so often: she was losing her mind.

"Bella! Bella!" called Alice, running at an almost human speed across the road. Bella stood, unmoving as the image her mind had conjured ran towards her.

When Alice's cold, hard arms closed around her, Bella began to shake. "No, no..." she muttered, struggling to get away even as her eyes involuntarily watched the door of the Mercedes open and a beautiful boy with bronze hair stepped out into the rain.

"Bella, I'm sorry," whispered Alice hurriedly, as though afraid Bella would melt in her arms. "We never should have left, we never meant to hurt you like that, no matter what. Please, please don't do it!"

That startled Bella from her panic just long enough to ask, "What?"

Alice's eyes grew wide, and she clapped a hand over her mouth, releasing Bella. The boy stayed by the car, watching them intently. "I'm sorry," Alice said again. "I didn't realise... never mind."

Bella wasn't listening, the urge to run growing more powerful as the beautiful boy walked across the road. She began to back away, step by step, until the backs of her legs hit the front steps of the house and she sat down, hard.

"No, no, no, no," she muttered again. "Not now, it's too late now." Tears traced their way down her face. "No," she whimpered as Edward bent down in front of her. His heart had sunk into his shoes when Bella had begun to protest and only Alice's silent threats were holding him to his promises here. Obviously, Bella didn't want to see him.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I have to apologize for so many things," he said gently in the velvety voice Bella had been dying to hear. "But primarily I need to apologize for lying to you. In the forest that day, I told you that I didn't love you, but it was not the truth. The truth was that I loved you so much that I was terrified of something happening to you, terrified that it would be my fault if you were hurt, or worse, died. It was the darkest blasphemy what I said to you that day. I do love you, I always have loved you, and I always will love you. Forever."

"No, no, no," she chanted under her breath, her arms covering her body. "Not now, not now, it's too late," she said again, talking to herself.

"Bella," said Edward more forcefully, cutting though her mantra of negativity. "Bella, if you don't want me, I will leave. But it isn't too late, Alice saw and we got here in time."

Bella shook her head, gradually realizing that at some point recently her daydreams and vague thoughts of escape had solidified into enough of a suicide plan to spark Alice's vision. But it didn't matter.

She crossed her arms more firmly, sniffing loudly and dropping her eyes from Edward's penetrating stare. "No," she moaned again, still half-sure that this was a dream, and soon she would wake, alone again. "It's too late. You don't understand. You can't understand. I – I'm not good enough for you anymore, Edward." The last part came out soft and humiliated. It cost her much in pain to say his name, and she wasn't sure if she could say no if he begged.

She gathered her courage to look up at him again. The perfect pale skin, the tousled copper penny hair, the chiseled features that were so familiar to her heart... her spirits, temporarily buoyed by the seeming realization of all her hopes and dreams, sank. Tears flowed effortlessly down her cheeks. He was perfect. And she was... not.

"Bella," Edward pleaded, "I don't understand. You are perfect for me, and..."

"NO!" she burst out. "Maybe, just maybe, I was perfect for you. I'm not anymore. I can't be. I'm sorry."

Another car pulled up and Bella stood, wiped her face on her sleeve and ran.

She got into the car, leaving Edward and Alice to stare bewildered after her.

* * *

><p>Chapter title and excerpt are from "Last Resort" by Papa Roach. Please review!<p> 


	3. That I Would Be Good

More hints at what's going on. What's your guess?

I do not own Twilight.

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 3 - That I Would Be Good<span>_  
><em>

_That I would be loved  
>Even when I numb myself<br>That I would be good  
>Even when I'm overwhelmed<em>

Bella waited out front again. She knew that she couldn't ignore it anymore. All the hopes she'd held of a particularly vivid daydream had been shattered at school this morning when she'd heard the gossip.

She'd spent all day shrugging off other peoples concerns; Jessica Stanley in particular had been 'concerned' about Bella all day, following her and plaguing her with questions about how she was feeling. Bella took her cue from the steady rain that had been falling for the past few days, and let the words that chased her through her day drip off, paying them no heed as she tried not think.

Standing in front of Charlie's little white house, she bit her lip. She knew that Edward (somehow she'd gotten used to hearing his name in the past 24 hours) wasn't back for her, that it was Alice's vision that had prompted him to return and try to save her. Guilt was a powerful motivator for Edward, no one knew that better than Bella. He'd tried to say yesterday that he'd lied, that he loved her, but she knew that that had to be impossible. It had never made any sense for him to love her in the first place...

She shivered in the near freezing rain, almost wishing that the car would hurry up, that the waiting would end. Sometimes, she thought that the agony of the wait was the worse part. She shook her head, drops of water splaying from the ends of wet tendrils of hair which whipped her face til it stung. The pain, always present, prickled up and down her skin, flaring and receding, almost making her cry out in agony at times. She bit her lip though, and remained silent. It was all she could do.

The tears that trickled down her face joined the raindrops, hiding her true feelings from those who would use them against her. She knew that Charlie had given up hope of getting 'his' Bella back, and she had no words with which to explain to him that 'his' Bella had never existed in the first place. She was a figment of his imagination cobbled together through short visits and phone calls from Renee, who had always had her own stylized version of 'Bella' which had nothing to do with reality.

Bella wasn't sure who she was either. There had never been time to consider it, at Renee's house. And then she'd moved here, and then she was Edward's girlfriend. And then he was gone, taking what she knew of herself with him and she was nothing but an empty shell, free for the taking.

She realized that sooner or later she was going to have to actually talk to Edward, she knew he was going to come back, but she was hoping to delay the inevitable, put it off this much much later, when things had returned to the only way that made sense, the door of her cage firmly shut against her. It made her want to scream that he was doing this now, it was too late now...

She wondered idly how long it would take Edward to give up on her. Everyone else had and in the end he would too. He was more stubborn than most. It would take a while, a torture on par with having her fingers removed one by one. She shuddered at the thought of never seeing him again, and again at the thought of him staying, rain dripping from the end of her nose. She wondered painfully if she had the strength to say no to Edward. The hole in her chest convulsed, and she prayed for release from her torment, an end to the black pit she was living her life in. Edward could not find out about it.

The black Mercedes pulled up almost without warning, and she gasped for breath as Edward got out. In her panic, the world took a red tinge, lending a surreal feeling to her surroundings. Edward walked slowly towards her, though there was no one to see him; he kept his hands spread wide as he tried to appear as unthreatening as possible. Guilt emanated from him in waves that needed no special gift to be understood.

He was her worst nightmare and a dream beyond imagining all wrapped into one, and she was powerless to stop him from walking forward and destroying her.

She trembled as he drew closer, her teeth chattering loudly.

"Bella," he said softly, his voice soothing to her ears like balm on a wound, ''Why are you standing out here in the rain again?"

Bella shrugged, caught in his hypnotic stare. Clearing her throat she muttered, ''I... I have to go. I'm waiting for my ride."

He nodded, staring at her gently, his eyes drinking in the form he had been longing to see. He had been warned not to push her, and some part of him knew that she would break beyond repair if he did as he wanted and scooped her into a hug and begged for forgiveness. Instead he nodded.

"Where are you going?" he asked, trying to maintain a tone of mild interest.

"To La Push,'' she answered after a minute, knowing that he would not like to hear that she was going somewhere that he could not follow.

He groaned quietly, wanting to argue with her. When he inhaled again he realized what about Bella's scent had changed. Overlaying the sweet scent of Bella herself, which would always torture him to some degree, was the earthy stench he had not smelled in 70 years. Werewolves. "Bella, are you spending your time with the wolves in La Push? '' he asked carefully. He wanted to rage at her for taking risks, to forbid her to go again, but Alice's warning was ringing in his head.

"_Be careful... I don't know why, but she's fragile now... more fragile than I've ever seen anyone. You MUST NOT lose your temper. Over anything. The results would be... catastrophic."_

He'd nodded, and now understood why she'd warned him. Bella was flinching with each word he spoke. It broke his heart to see her like this.

Bella nodded. "Jacob is my Dad's friend's son," she said slowly.

Edward sighed. He'd come here to tell her how much he loved her and how he wanted her back. How had they gotten so off course?

"Bella, will you come to visit me at my house today, instead of going to La Push?" he asked in his most neutral voice. He hated how stilted and unnatural he sounded , but Bella's answers were equally mechanical, and she was shivering. He could not take chances with her. The past months had shown him how worthless life was without Bella, and he would not willingly do that again.

Bella shook her head, stubbornly. "I... can't. You..." she choked, and he clenched his muscles to keep himself from touching her, comforting her in any way. "You don't know, you can't know..." she rambled. "I have to go," she finished lamely, as though that explained anything. "We can't... we can't do this. I can't do this. I can't..." she shook her head.

Edward's heart, which had not beat in 90 years, dropped into his shoes. "Bella, have you... do you not love me, do you want to be with someone else? Did you move on?" he asked, terrified of her answer. He'd told her to move on, and if she had he would leave her in peace. But, while he'd willingly leave a happy Bella, the underweight, terrified girl in front of him did not look happy.

"No!" she exclaimed, and something inside Edward returned to life. "No, I... just..." she choked again, and tears dropped effortlessly from her sad eyes.

"Then, I love you Bella, and I will help you in any way I can."

"Edward," she said, noting absently the thrill and pain of saying his name, "You can't help me with this."

The same car he'd seen yesterday pulled up and Bella began to walk towards it, turning her eyes from Edward. The despair in them hurt him. He hadn't felt pain like this in his time as a vampire. Without thinking, he reached out and grabbed her arm. "Bella, wait,"

She cried out, and he let her go as though he'd been scalded. Had he hurt her so quickly? "I'm sorry," he said, ashamed.

"Goodbye," she whispered, and he couldn't help but notice the finality of her words. She walked to the car full of eager teen boys and he watched as they drove away.

* * *

><p>Chapter Title and excerpt are from "That I Would Be Good" by Alanis Morrissette.<p>

Reviews?


	4. The Child is Gone

This is where the darkness starts.

I do not own Twilight.

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 4 - The Child is Gone<span>

_Honey help me out of this mess  
>I'm a stranger to myself<br>But don't reach for me, I'm too far away  
>I don't wanna talk 'cause there's nothing left to say <em>

The next day, Bella denied herself the pleasure of waiting outside in the ever present rain. She felt uncomfortably awake, excessively aware of what everyone in the small town of Forks was talking about. The Cullens were back.

They hadn't been to school yet, but Bella knew better by now than to expect them to leave her alone. She peeked out the window, craving the feeling of the cool raindrops on her skin, numbing her and washing the pain to a bearable level. She didn't see anyone outside, no cars, no vampires lurking in the woods. She was ashamed to be hiding from them, but didn't know if she could find the strength to say no again. That she'd said it once was a miracle. She looked again. There was nothing there to hide from.

She stepped outside, amazed at how much she'd come to enjoy the fresh wet smell of the forest. She let the rain pour over her face, washing away some of the despair that was always there, just under the surface. She lived in the moment, trying to stay balanced, to present the proper image to the world. She treasured moments alone. There were so few of them, and even fewer where she could really let go of the mask she wore.

She had just reached the bottom step when a blur grabbed her arms. She was moving before she realised that the blur was Alice. In a heartbeat she was in the backseat of the Mercedes parked down the street where she had not been able to see it and they were speeding away in the wrong direction. "Let me go!" she cried, fighting against the locked door and Alice's steel-like arms.

"Bella, you're not giving us much choice!" said Alice, trying to contain Bella's frantic movements without hurting her. "Your future isn't changing, and we won't take chances with your life like that. We wouldn't be able to save you."

The reality of what Alice was saying began to sink in. Bella had been daydreaming about slitting her wrists for months – a quick but bloody death that would ensure that none of the Cullens be able to even enter the room without wanting to eat her. She wondered if that was an unconscious way of thumbing her nose at Edward for breaking her heart.

"I...just..." she mumbled, trying to remember her reasons for protesting in the first place. She'd been drifting aimlessly for months, and this sudden change of direction was making her dizzy.

"Please Bella," came a low smooth voice from the front seat. "Give us a chance?"

She nodded, knowing it was a mistake, but unable to deny him anything now that he was here in front of her.

Rosalie looked up as they walked into the house, her nostrils twitching. _What's up with the wet dog smell?_ she asked Edward silently, the crushed look on Bella's face enough to prompt some tact in her blunt soul.

Edward shrugged and looked at Alice who shrugged back. Edward wasn't sure what had happened to Bella, or why she smelled so strongly of the La Push werewolves. He only knew that she went to La Push every afternoon.

Rosalie was doing her own assessment of Bella, who'd been seated on the couch looking like a refugee. She quickly noted the bedraggled hair, the dark circles under her eyes, her gaze which which was focused on the floor. Rosalie's eyes focused on Bella's neck. There, at the very bottom, where her neck met the collar of her shirt. It wasn't the blood vessels there that caught her attention; it was the finger shaped bruise. The bruise combined with the strong scent of wolf rolled Rosalie's stomach in a way she hadn't thought possible.

"Bella," she said, bursting into action without conscious thought, thereby startling both Edward and Alice. "Come and have a word with me, please?" She gently took Bella's fragile hand and towed her into Carlisle's office. Edward began to protest, but a look from Emmett stopped him, and kept Edward on the couch, watching helplessly.

Rose had learned long ago that the only way to evade Edward and Alice was to move towards your goal quickly, concisely and with as little thought as possible. She shut the door to the office to give Bella the illusion of privacy. Bella did not react to the situation, showed no signs of curiosity. She slumped in her chair like a marionette whose strings had been cut.

Rosalie decided to speak as though Bella were responding normally. "Bella, I want to tell you how I came to join this family." Bella frowned, and her heart rate accelerated, though she did not look up. "Carlisle found me in the road, bleeding to death. I'd been left for dead by my fiancé, Royce King. He and a bunch of his friends had been drinking and I ran into them alone a few weeks before the wedding. They raped me, beat me and left me there. Royce was laughing about how he was going to need a new fiancée." It was still hard to talk about that night, even after all these years, but this time it was worth it. Bella's eyes had filled with tears and she was squirming uncomfortably in her seat.

Rosalie focused on Bella, ignoring the sounds of a scuffle from the other side of the door as Emmett kept Edward from bursting in, having guessed where Rosalie was going with this.

"Now, when I woke to this life, I was a mess," Rosalie explained carefully, not wanting her own emotions pushed onto Bella. "Esme had done what she could with a washcloth, but it wasn't enough. I felt like I had been rolled in the scents of the men who had killed me. Washing thoroughly was practically the first thing I did. Now, when you walked in here this afternoon, you smelled like you'd been rolled in the scent of werewolf." Bella looked up finally, her eyes popping as she realised that Rosalie knew more than she had thought. "There are a lot of ways that that could have happened, but if it wasn't consensual, if you didn't want it, we will make sure that it never happens again."

Bella stared at her, and tears began to roll down her cheeks. For just a second Rosalie thought she might be wrong. Then Bella shook her head, and whispered, "You can't do that," and Rosalie's heart sank. She would never wish this on anyone.

"Just tell me who did this, Bella," she pleaded.

Bella took a very long second to consider if her secret would be safe here before she answered.

"It was Jake, and the boys."

* * *

><p>Chapter Title and excerpt are from "The Child is Gone" by Fiona Apple<p>

Reviews?


	5. Fade to Black

Thanks to those who have reviewed. This chapter has triggers.

I do not own Twilight.

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 5 - Fade to Black<span>_  
><em>

_Emptiness is filling me  
>To the point of agony<br>Growing darkness taking dawn  
>I was me, but now he's gone<em>

Edward fought with all his might against the hands that held him: Bella needed him.

_Edward!_ thought Emmett forcefully _I can't let you go in there until you calm the fuck down.  
><em>

Edward groaned and gave himself to the artificial calm Jasper was emitting, sinking into the restraining arms of his brothers.

He felt like a fool, he hated that Rosalie had been able to discover what had happened to Bella in minutes. He took a deep breath before opening the door to Carlisle's study.

Rosalie's eyes widened at as Bella revealed the mystery buried deep inside; she'd never wanted to be wrong so badly.

"The boys? You mean the wolf-boys?''

Bella nodded, and then took a breath. "It wasn't all Jake's fault,'" she said softly. Rosalie glared at her, and she stopped talking. She felt naked, as though Rosalie had stripped her bare when she'd guessed the biggest secrets she had, and left her exposed for everyone to see. She knew that the Cullens were all listening intently right now, hearing her shame, and would have done almost anything to take the last few minutes back.

Rosalie swallowed her frustration at Bella, not wanting to stop her from telling her story. ''Bella, who else can you blame?'' she asked as Edward opened the door and slipped inside, wanting to comfort Bella in any way he could, even if all he could do was bear witness.

Bella had wrapped her arms around herself. Oddly this was a very different feeling than the 'hole in my chest' pain of Edward's abandonment. Now she felt empty, her problems pulled out for all to see, for the first time in the bright light of day. She yearned for the familiar pain of her confidential burden.

Edward sat next to her, but did not touch her, afraid that he might send her into a panic.

Rosalie could not believe that Bella wasn't blaming Jacob. Alice entered behind Edward and whispered ''Let me handle it," in a voice too soft and too fast for Bella to hear.

"Bella, can you tell us what happened?" Alice asked gently.

Bella looked blankly at her for a minute. Alice took her hand. Bella looked at the floor and started to talk.

"It was ... bad when you left. It was a long time until I was anything close to normal. When I was able to, I spent time in La Push with Jake. Back then, before he joined the pack, he was like my own personal ray of sunshine. And we managed to stay friends after he phased for the first time, because I already knew his secrets, but eventually it wasn't enough.

"He was falling in love with me, and I knew it but I was too selfish to let him go," she sniffed. "I didn't have any love to give him but when he asked me to be his girlfriend I was so scared to say no, so scared to be alone again that I said yes. I knew it was a bad idea, but I was so scared.'' Alice rubbed Bella's arm soothingly while Edward buried his face in his hands. He knew where this was going, and while part of him wasn't sure he could bear it, another, stronger part knew that he must, since Bella had to bear it.

Bella continued, "It wasn't bad at first, we hung out the same as always and sometimes Jacob would kiss me... I tried to move on," she said pitifully to Edward. ''I tried to love him, tried to give him what he wanted, but it wasn't enough for Jacob. One night we were kissing... and stuff and he told me he loved me, I couldn't say it back," she sobbed. "He grabbed me, and... rubbed against me and said that if I couldn't give him this," she gestured to her heart, than I should give him this," she touched between her legs. "I was crying. I didn't know what to do. Charlie wasn't home; he trusted Jake. Jake pulled me upstairs and..." she sobbed again reliving the terror.

Edward hesitated next to her, wanting to comfort her and terrified of making it worse. Alice thought at him, "_Edward, help her gently"_, and showed a vision of Bella sobbing on his shoulder. He put an arm around her and she collapsed sideways into him.

Her sobs quieted and she kept talking. ''He did it again every chance he could get. I couldn't stop him. Charlie would never believe me. After a few weeks he started complaining to his friends that... that I was a 'bad lay'. And Jared looked at me and said 'I'd pay $20 for that.' and Jake said okay." An electric current of shock passed through the Cullens, but Bella, so close to finishing her story ignored it and kept talking. "And then Jake would let anyone who would pay him... have a turn with me.'' She moved away from Edward again, staring at the floor. ''I'm supposed to be there now. They were furious to see you yesterday."

The Cullens sat in shock. It had not taken much to guess that something bad had happened to Bella, but this seemed so extreme. Edward's thoughts were racing to think of something to say. Alice beat him to it. "Bella, I'm so sorry that this happened, and I know I speak for the whole family when I say that we will do everything in our power to make sure that it never happens again."

Bella's shoulders shook as sobs wracked her body. Alice went to say more, but stopped. Rosalie tapped her shoulder and said "Give them a minute." Alice nodded and left the room with Rosalie.

Bella had collapsed inward again, her arms wrapped tightly around her torso as she cried out her pain. Edward had never before wished so intensely that he could hear Bella's thoughts. Access to any part of this maelstrom would give him some idea of how to respond, what to do.

''Bella," he asked, his voice low and pleading, "Do you want me to stay? Would you prefer Alice or Rosalie or Esme? Do you want to be alone?" His heart broke a little at the thought of leaving her in this state, but he could deny her nothing. She shook her head, but didn't look at him. As her sobs quieted, he knelt in front of her.

"Bella, I have to tell you that nothing that has happened changes how I feel about you, I love you and I always will.''

Bella looked up a him, her tears spilling over, and he saw a spark light, deep inside her.

"Edward, don't say things you don't mean," she said in a low furious voice he did not recognize as hers.

"I do mean it." he said, trying to stay calm himself.

She stood up as the flame of her anger grew and spread. "Edward, you don't even know what you are talking about. You don't even know what half the things those boys did to me are called." She began to tear at her sweater, quickly pulling it off, and standing in her tank top. Edward couldn't help but gasp when he saw the bruises that covered her torso and arms. "They aren't gentle. I carry them with me every where. The smell, the touch, the marks... They've been everywhere, they've done everything. There's nothing left. There's nothing left of me, I'm not even here any more..." She choked back a sob. ''I don't even know who I am anymore..,'' she added sadly, her anger having burned itself out.

Edward took her hands gently in his, finally able to understand something she had told him soon after he'd returned. ''Bella, it doesn't matter what those boys did. You are still there, you've just been hiding from the monsters. But you're safe now, and if you let me, I'll help you find yourself again in any way you'll let me.''

She shook her head. "Don't say that. '' she said in a desperate voice.

"But I do love you,'' he said, smiling gently at her.

"Not that. Don't say that I'm safe now," she said, tense and quiet as though expecting an ambush. "I can't..." she choked on her words, the hope she'd thought long dead growing inside her. She quashed it violently. She couldn't afford to hope.

"Bella," said Edward softly, gently, knowing that this was hard for her to hear, "You are safe. None of us will ever stand for this to happen again. Never.''

She looked him in the eye for the first time since he'd returned, and he was horrified by how broken she was, how obvious her pain was.

"You can't promise me that Edward," she said firmly, holding desperately onto what she knew. "I'll never be safe again."

* * *

><p>Chapter Title and excerpt are from "Fade to Black" by Metallica. I apologize to the entirety of Team Jacob. I had an idea about making the wolves villains, and it got a little out of hand.<p>

Reviews?


	6. Nothing Else Matters

Thanks for all the kind reviews I got on the last chapter. This one is a little spot of light.

As always, I do not own Twilight.

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 6 - Nothing Else Matters<span>_  
><em>

_Trust I seek, and I find in you_

_Everyday for us something new,_

_Open mind for a different view_

_And nothing else matters_

That night, delivered home to Charlie and safe in her room, she looked out the window. Emmett dashed out of the brush, waved at her and disappeared again. They were keeping a guard over her. It was meant to help her feel safe, but only succeeded in making her feel isolated. A princess, locked away in a tower, but not a princess, a troll. The rain had stopped, giving way to a ghostly mist which made her feel lonelier, and a million miles from the rest of the world.

She missed Edward. Once upon a time, she'd been able to tell him everything... no, that was a lie and she knew it. There had always been too many things in their relationship that they had avoided talking about. It was part of the trouble that had led her down the road to hell.

She fought against the gathering tears. She had a lot to be grateful for. Today, for all the drama, had been a good day. And that was all she asked for any more. Even Charlie had noticed, commenting that she looked happier.

She was a long way from happy, but a day off from her waking horrors was enough for now. A tap at the window made her jump. Emmett sat crouched on the sill, smiling and waving. She opened the window.

"Hey Bella, Edward's down there. He'd like to come up, but we thought I should check first, so he didn't startle you."

Bella appreciated Emmett's ability to talk to her as though she were sane and rational. She nodded.

"I'll send him up," said Emmett, jumping down and landing soundlessly on the moist ground below. Bella gasped, remembering Jacob doing the same thing so very recently, back when she'd still been glad to see him.

Edward ducked through the window with familiar grace and Bella's heart leapt to life, beating so fast she felt like she might fly away. How many times had she dreamed of this, only to have it ripped away? How many nights had she slept with her window open, just in case?

"Bella," he said, his voice tender, "Come and sit with me?" he asked, gesturing to the bed. They sat facing each other and he took her cold hands in his even colder ones. "I need to finish what I started this afternoon." he said finally. "I need to tell you how much I love you.''

She cleared her throat. ''Edward, it's so painful to hope. Please don't do this, it hurts too much." The last part came out as a shameful whimper. She'd started crying again she realized dimly.

"I know it hurts love - it hurts me too,'' he whispered "But it needs to be done. Being here with you like this... it's like coming home. I don't just love you, Bella Swan, I need you."

"But you left me," she cried, "and you said all the things from my night mares. And I was so alone," she wept.

"I know. And I was so wrong Bella. I truly thought I was doing right by you. And I was as wrong as I could be, but I swear to you, if you'll let me, I'll never leave you again, and I'll spend the rest of my existence making it up to you."

He moved forward hesitantly, and Bella wondered if he was fighting bloodlust or waiting to be rejected. She'd forgotten how good his lips felt. Something inside her remembered this, remembered how good they felt together. She pressed herself against him, feeling more alive by the second and-

The ghost of his arousal sent her spiralling into a flashback. In her mind she was suddenly in Jacob's house, and the hands that touched her were not loving, but her prison. She bit her lip to keep from screaming, but couldn't help but thrash her arms and legs, hoping for the slightest chance that she could get away. When the hands released her she moved to a quiet corner, legs drawn up, head tucked down, whimpering.

Edward cursed his own stupidity. He'd forgotten that Bella used to do that - throw herself at him - and he hadn't been prepared for his own reaction, let alone hers. "Bella?" he said, slow and gentle. He ached for the fragile pale girl, trembling on the floor, terrified and disoriented.

"Bella, it's me, it's Edward,'' he added cautiously. She stared at him but did not see him, eyes deep black pools which guarded her secrets.

''Edward's gone," she said in a strange high voice which was not her own. "He went and left me in the woods. It got dark, so dark, no moon, and the wolves got me. Everyone knows not to stay in the woods, be careful, or the the big bad wolf will eat you up. But they don't tell you that your bones will keep walking around, and the wolves will never let you go," the last part came out in a whisper.

A chill shook him. He'd known that her mind was fragile, that insanity was closing in, but this was beyond anything he'd expected.

"Bella, I'm here now," he said again, trying to stay calm. "And I'll never leave you again.'' She blinked, and truly looked at him. ''Oh. Oh, Edward," she cried, before launching herself into his lap. He relaxed as he wrapped his arms around her (finally, thought a selfish part of himself) and began to rock her back and forth. "Edward," she sobbed, ''I'm so scared, and everything has been so wrong for such a long time, I don't know what to think..."

He steadied himself, "I know Bella. You don't have to say anything to me, not until you've had time and space to consider your feelings. I'm here and I will stay here in any context you want until you order me away.''

She looked down." Edward, I love you."

He wouldn't have heard it, had he been human. ''What?'' he whispered.

"It's the only thing I'm sure of," she said shyly. "I've loved you all along, and I'm sure I've paid for it. I just... wanted you to know."

She laid her head on his shoulder, and closed her eyes. ''I'm so tired," she said softly.

He scooped her up, laying her gently in her bed and carefully tucking her in. He lay down next to her and whispered in her ear. "I love you, too."

* * *

><p>Chapter title and excerpt are from "Nothing Else Matters" by Metallica. (I didn't realize I had two Metallica chapters back to back.)<p> 


	7. Going Under

Thanks to all who have reviewed - I almost always respond to signed reviews, so log in and I'll thank you personally.

I do not own Twilight.

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 7 - Going Under<span>_  
><em>

_Now I will tell you what I've done for you  
>Fifty thousand tears I've cried<br>Screaming, deceiving and bleeding for you  
>And you still won't hear me, going under<em>

Bella glanced up at the clock. Only 5 more minutes now. The day had been tortuously slow. Edward and Alice had picked her up that morning and driven her to school, intending to re-enroll and spend the day with her. After such a strange night, something as normal as school had seemed appealing. She'd had nightmares, and even Edward couldn't quiet them all. She hated the flashbacks the most. She'd had a few at school when someone had gotten too close and they always upset her. She felt hideous and broken. Edward had been so understanding. He'd explained that he'd seen flashbacks in other people's thoughts before and understood how confused she'd been. He'd reassured her that he would be with her all day.

Unfortunately, Mrs. Cope had kicked up a fuss, insisting that due notice had to be given, and that they could start tomorrow. The secretary hadn't caved, not even when Edward had tried directly to charm her. So she was alone. Now she regretted not taking a sick day, but at the time had not wanted to call Charlie for permission. Edward and Alice had had to leave the building and had gone home for the day, both to keep up appearances and to do ... something.

She knew that Jasper was in the woods near the school, where he'd intended to spend lunch break with Alice, but that didn't ease her loneliness. The old panic, familiar and painful, was there, buried under this new layer of optimism. She had floated through the day, buoyed by the knowledge that this was the last day to be alone in this way. It was odd not to feel like she was drowning, though maintaining it was a struggle.

Her classmates were still wary of her, not sure what to make of the zombie walking in their midst. She didn't often talk to them, and when she did it was short and uncomfortable. Though today was brighter, somehow, then the previous days she still felt the difference between herself and the 'kids' around her.

Though it seemed like it would never come, eventually the bell did ring. Bella gathered her things and walked straight for the parking lot, where she knew Edward was waiting for her.

She ignored her schoolmates as they shoved and jostled through the halls. She had to concentrate on the floor as they invaded her personal space. As she walked she reminded herself that they meant no harm, that they weren't trying to hurt her. Some acknowledged her and a few girls tried to get her attention, obviously wanting to discuss the Cullens.

She ignored all of them, looking forward to Edward's return to school tomorrow and the way he cut a path through the mass of students. She almost smiled, and was surprised to realize that the future felt more bearable.

Once outside, still looking down, she had more trouble fighting the flow of traffic, trying to angle her self towards the edge of the parking lot where Edward had to wait. The sun was out in all its spotty glory today, and it would keep Edward bound inside the car. She couldn't help but acknowledge the strange change in her own temperament. It had been a long time since she'd been hoping for sunshine.

She nudged the boy next to her as she made her way around a circle of friends talking to each other. He gave a low chuckle and blocked her path. Her head snapped up; she knew that sound. Paul. She looked around. Jared. Jacob. Embry. Quil. She was surrounded.

She knew she should fight, scream, do something to stop the nightmare from happening, but Jacob leaned over and whispered "Scream and we'll kill them.'' and she couldn't take the chance. She could see Jasper at the edge of the woods, trapped by a random ray of sunlight and the crowd. His expression was panicky as he spoke into his cell phone.

With Paul leading the way, Jacob on one side and Quil on the other, they wove tidily through the crowd. No one noticed, beyond a few girls who were eyeing the boys. It wasn't the first time the La Push boys had picked her up from school, and most of the high school kids were over it.

No one noticed the panicked expression on her face, no one cared that they were gripping her arms so tightly she thought the bones would break. They shoved her into the car, and drove away. She gave herself to the waves of red as the car turned away from all her hopes and dreams.

Jasper watched desperately as the wolves spirited away his sister. Edward and Alice had been caught by a hit and run, and would be too late to help. Edward was yelling at him over the phone, but the sound was drowned out by his frustration.

He'd failed Edward and Bella again.

* * *

><p>Chapter Title and excerpt are from "Going Under" by Evanescence. Sorry for a short one - I dressed it up a little, and almost doubled the length. Transitions can be awkward.<p> 


	8. Make it Go Away

Sorry for the gap - RL got in the way. I truly appreciate all the reviews I've gotten, though many of you are upset and surprised by the recent turn of events. Apparently you underestimate how dark this can get.

I do not own Twilight, I just torture it's characters.

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 8 - Make it Go Away<span>_  
><em>

_This is not the way you should see me  
>This is not the face I recognize<br>Could I lay my head down here for a moment  
>Would you sing to me like I'm your child<em>

Alice was undecided, standing outside the Swan's house. She disliked indecision; it threw her visions into chaos. But today Bella needed her and she couldn't see what the outcome of her decisions would be. It was terrifying; like sudden blindness, she had lost a sense and wasn't yet used to compensating. It had taken her most of the time since their return to Forks to realize that she couldn't see anything involving the wolves. So she was left with no more than any other vampire, and huge decisions to make.

She'd taken the 5 minutes they'd been stuck in traffic on their way to the school to learn her way around the blind spots. In the end, they'd been too late. Jasper had been stuck thanks to the cursed sunlight and the wolves had made a clean getaway. They'd considered heading down to the reservation all together, but Alice had been fairly sure that that would do nothing but start a war, and would still not get them Bella back. They needed to get her out of this hideous situation before they could exact any revenge. There would be revenge. Alice suppressed a growl.

The trouble was getting onto the reservation before the wolves were aware of it. If she drove herself there, her vision went black at or near the border. They needed an 'in'. Someone the wolves wouldn't suspect. It had taken a lot to convince Edward to wait at home while she did this. Only the threat of losing Bella forever had been enough.

She walked deliberately up the stairs to the door. The cursed sunshine had gone now, and the steady cloud cover was back, allowing her maximum freedom of movement. It steadied her, knowing that she could do what she had planned, without fear of further complications.

She took an unnecessarily deep breath and knocked. Charlie answered the door and frowned when he saw her.

"Hi Charlie," she said, eager to skip to the next part of their conversation, knowing that every second was costing them, and more importantly, costing Bella.

"Hello Alice. I'd heard you and your family were back in town," said Charlie in a tone that indicated he'd prefer she'd stayed gone.

"Charlie, I need your help," she began, but he cut her off.

"Maybe Alice, but Bella could have used a friend in September, and where were you then?" he said quietly. He'd always liked her, even when he'd disliked Edward, and her betrayal cut deeper.

"Look Charlie, it's not really me that needs help, it's Bella. She's in La Push, and if you'll drive me I'll explain everything, because there is a lot of stuff you don't know."

He grabbed his jacket and she steadied herself against the swirl of visions. "This had better be good," he mumbled as they got into the cruiser.

Alice buckled her seatbelt under Charlie's glare, and Charlie started the engine. "Well, what's this fantastic explanation?"

She took a deep breath, and got started. "What would you say if I told you that me and my whole family were actually super strong, super fast vampires who only eat animal blood?"

A pause. "I'd say that explains a lot of weird things about you," he answered finally, not looking at her. "And that's why..."

"That's why he left. He thought she would be safer without him."

Charlie snorted.

"So we all left in the name of keeping Bella safe. Edward even forbade me to look for her."

Charlie quirked an eyebrow.

"Some of us have extra abilities. I can see the future, and Edward can read minds - but not Bella's and mostly not yours."

Charlie looked relieved about that before getting back to the conversation.

"So if you all left to keep Bella safe, then... what happened in Phoenix? Edward... hurt her?"

"No! He would never do that! A trio of nomadic vampires who do eat people came through town while Bella was watching us play baseball. We split up and ran, trying to keep Bella safe. One of them followed us. He eventually convinced Bella to meet him. She thought he had Renee. He... hurt her before we got there."

Charlie nodded. "So what are we doing now?"

"What would you say if I told you that Jacob and he's friends are werewolves, sworn to protect the Quileutes from vampires?''

"I'd ask why I was driving a vampire down to see them."

This was the hard part. ''You know that Jacob is Bella's boyfriend?"

"Yes."

"And you let her go down there every day?"

"I trust Jacob," he said, "I knew she was spending too much time down there, but I wasn't sure what it would do to her to stop her. She was better at first when she started spending time with Jacob, and then she... went back to the way she was just after you left, but at least she still went out. You know that it was... bad when you left, right?"

"I do, and I'm sorry. You shouldn't trust Jacob though, he has... abused that trust.''

"Bella knows better than that.''

"What if it wasn't Bella's idea? What if it was against her will?"

"You mean..." he was aghast.

"Everyday. And sharing with his wolfy buddies," she added bitterly.

Charlie reached for the siren, and Alice grabbed his hand. She was strangely still and intense, and his mind shied away from the strength in her tiny grip. "No. You don't have any authority on the Rez anyway. I'm going to try to do this our way, if I can, without starting a war. That's why I'm alone – I'm trying to minimize the bloodshed. ''

Charlie surreptitiously wiped his face. ''A war?"

"He's going to die for what he did to Bella," said Alice in a voice so hard and alien that Charlie had little trouble believing that she wasn't human.

"NOW?" choked Charlie, feeling unprepared for the immediate death of his best friend's son, though there was a part deep down that wanted to whip out a gun and kill this boy himself for what he'd done to Bella.

"No, now we're just going to save Bella - I needed your help to get down to her. Carlisle has a treaty that none of us will cross onto their land if they keep our secret. I'm also hoping that you'll help deflect a missing persons investigation, if Billy files one.''

"Ah," said Charlie, his mind whirring with all the new information. One thought was drowning out all others. His baby girl was being hurt right now, and he had to go and save her.

Alice lapsed into silence, as though she were aware that he needed time to process this information. How had it come to this? Vampires? Werewolves? He felt the pressure and pain of his failure as a father. He'd never thought he was a great father, but now he knew that he must be one of the worst. His baby had moved in with him and within months had started dating a vampire, been severely injured, and then a few months later had lapsed into a deep depression when that vampire had left. He thought that Jacob was helping. He knew that initially he had been, and yet... when had that changed? He knew it was the truth that it hadn't been good for Bella for a while. Why hadn't he pressed her into therapy or sent her back to Renee? He had a sneaking suspicion he was selfish and hadn't wanted to rock the boat.

Alice drew a deep breath as they crossed the boundary onto Quileute land, and held it until the Cruiser pulled up in front of Jacob's little red house. "We're here,'' said Charlie.

* * *

><p>Chapter Title and excerpt are from "Make It Go Away" by Holly Cole. Reviews? This one has been giving me trouble, it's hard to maintain the right tone without Bella.<p> 


	9. Wake Me Up When September Ends

Here it is, right on schedule. I wouldn't torture you any longer.

I don't own Twilight.

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 9 - Wake Me Up When September Ends<span>_  
><em>

_As my memory rests  
>But never forgets what I lost<br>Wake me up when September ends_

_Summer has come and passed_  
><em>The innocent can never last<em>  
><em>Wake me up when September ends<em>

Charlie unbuckled his seatbelt, but Alice shook her head. "I'll go in find Bella... I don't think she would want you to see.'' Charlie bit down on his bottom lip, just like Bella would, but nodded his agreement.

Alice was glad he agreed. This close to the wolves, here on their territory, she could see nothing. Running this blind was terrifying to her, like being blindfolded on a tight rope. One thought kept her moving forward. She had to help Bella.

She opened the door to the tiny house without knocking, and was greeted by a horrific sight. Bella's body was being covered by two of the large naked boys, but what was worse was that she was covered in blood.

Alice stopped breathing and ran across the room startling the sex-stupored boys. They dropped Bella to the floor, where she lay naked and bleeding, curled into herself.

"Look boys! A leech!" called one of them.

She ignored them, and picked Bella up, quickly wrapping her in a blanket. Jacob leaped at her, and she flung him across the room. He hit the wall and the other boys ran towards him.

Alice wanted to fight, but knew she had to get Bella out of here and away before she lost control of herself – already the venom was starting to pool in her mouth.

She ran outside with Bella moaning softly in her arms. She opened the back door of the cruiser and put Bella inside. One of the boys yelled out of the window as they drove away, "Good luck with her leech! If we can't have her, no one can!"

"Drive, fast, our house, Carlisle," she said, using up the last of her air. She knew better than to take a breath in the enclosed car, but even so she had to fight with herself. After a startled second, Charlie hit the gas and drove. He looked at Alice out of the corner of his eye. Her eyes had gone pitch black, and she wasn't breathing. As he took the corner off the road from La Push he looked at Bella, and only 30 years of police work kept him driving. She was bleeding.

Bella was drifting, pain enclosing her like a familiar blanket. Razors. Where had they got the idea to use razors? She knew that they had done damage. The pit pat of blood dripping onto the floor of the cruiser told her it was more than superficial cuts. She found it strange, that they had done to her what she had planned to do herself, to escape them. The last laugh would be on them.

Her head spun for a second, her thoughts fuzzy as the blood dripped from the end of her finger. She was sad for the Cullens, and Charlie too. A part of her felt vindicated though. She'd felt dead inside since last September. Now they would have to believe her.

A loud clatter interrupted her thoughts. It got Alice's attention too, as they pulled up the drive of the Cullen house. It had been a very tense ride. Alice had no idea how she'd made it. Horrible thoughts, destructive thoughts crept into every moment, she'd had to actively fight them. Away from the wolves, her visions were working again, which let her see the consequences of letting go, giving in to her baser instincts.

Alice opened the door and took a deep breath. "Charlie, the heat... her teeth are chattering. I'm going to run ahead and tell them what's going on."

Charlie frowned. "Surely it will be faster..." he started, but she had shut the door and was gone. Charlie turned the heat on full blast, but didn't dare turn his head to see what was going on. What his negligence and unwillingness to rock the boat had let happen. Bella was only 18.

As they pulled up to the house, only Carlisle came out. He opened the door and zipped Bella away.

Charlie walked up onto the porch feeling a hundred years old. How had this happened? He reflected back, from when Edward had left (strange how knowing the truth about it removed the bitterness from the memory) to when she'd started spending time in La Push. It had been as though someone had turned on a light in a dark house. But soon the light had gone out again. And he'd been left with a daughter he didn't recognize as human.

Carlisle lay Bella on a bed. She moaned softly, hands batting uselessly at unseen enemies. "Bella, I'm going to take the blanket off now," said Carlisle in a professional voice. So many years as a doctor, and this broke his heart. Peeling back the blanket, he gasped.

Long gashes ran down either side of her torso, across her cheeks, and down the insides of each arm. Had they been trying to kill her? They could scarcely have done this by accident.

He leapt to work at a pace which might save her life, but no human doctor could have matched. Vampire strength to tear the blanket into strips to stop the bleeding. He did not fault Alice for not doing it; that she'd done as much as she had was a miracle. Nor Charlie. No one should have to see their daughter like this, Carlisle reflected with an uncharacteristic touch of bitterness. This was sheer cruelty.

"It is," came a voice from the door.

"Edward, you should go," said Carlisle in a soft voice. You shouldn't see this either, and ..." he didn't want to imply that Edward couldn't handle the blood, but he didn't see how he could.

"I can. If she can endure what she's been through, then I can endure this. I don't want her to be alone." Edward's voice broke, and he sat and ran a gentle finger over Bella's pale, limp hand. He wasn't sure how he was bearing this, how he could be in this room while Bella bled out, but somehow all his thoughts came back to the fact that he couldn't bear to let her die. It was a thought that stopped the bloodlust in it's tracks, time and time again.

Carlisle had too much to do, and ignored him. With pressure bandages in place, he began to stitch. Even for a vampire, it took a long long time. Once he'd finished stitching, he set up an IV with a bag of blood, and began to gently wash her.

"Will she be all right?" asked Edward in a desperate voice.

Carlisle stopped moving for just a second. "I hope so, but only God knows for sure," he said gravely. He continued tidying Bella as best he could.

Edward sat still, only his hand moving.

Bella kept breathing. Under the circumstances, no one asked for more.

Charlie prayed. He'd never been much of a believer, but it was all he had left on the porch in the growing dark. Watching over her inside, Carlisle's silent prayers echoed Charlie's.

"Please God, help her. Please."

* * *

><p>Chapter title and excerpt are from "Wake Me Up When September Ends" by Green Day. Reviews?<p> 


	10. Surrounded

Thanks for all the reviews and the patience. I apologize for the little gaps - real life gets me sometimes. We're almost done guys - there's only one more after this.

I do not own Twilight.

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 10 - Surrounded<span>_  
><em>

_And now it's all around me  
>It's all around me<br>I'm surrounded  
>Now it's all around me<br>It's all around me  
>You surround me like a circle<em>

Bella was floating. The river ran red here, and she floated in it. Edward was with her, though she couldn't see him, and he was saying the most wonderful things.

"Bella, I love you so much. I'm so sorry that I've put you through this. The first day I saw you, I remember how lovely you looked, sitting across the cafeteria. Such beautiful milky skin, and the deep brown of your eyes. I wish I could tell you how much it means to me, that you trusted me that first day in the meadow, how much your trust has always meant."

She wanted to keep drifting, but that seemed to take her further and further away from the beautiful words that this boy was saying.

"Edward, her heart rate is slowing."

"Please Bella, please," he begged. "Stay with me?"

Bella tried to remember where he was. All she could remember was not to remember. Remembering would bring the pain.

"Bella, I love you." Cool hands touched her forehead, drawing her away from her red peaceful river and into a world of pain.

She opened her eyes, and stared at Edward.

"Bella," he said, he voice breaking. He opened his mouth but could manage no more speech.

She opened her mouth, but found no words. It felt like sand.

"Here, Bella," came another familiar voice. Cool liquid touched her lips, just a sip but it felt so good. Carlisle. His name was Carlisle.

"Edward?"

"I'm here Bella." He was right beside her. This made her happy. She had an idea that maybe he wasn't always right beside her.

"I'm so sorry Bella. I'm so sorry darling. This will never happen again."

Something in his words. Something reminded her... Jacob. The pack.

She took a deep breath, ignoring the ever present pain, and began to scream. Edward... Edward had promised this before. And it didn't work. She would never be free of them. Never. Looking down, she saw the long bandage on her arm. They had marked her.

"Nononononono," her screams had quieted to a mantra.

"Bella, Bella, darling," Edward's face was distraught.

Another face behind his: Charlie.

"Daddy," said Bella, who hadn't called Charlie 'Daddy' since she was 10.

Charlie put an arm around her, and she buried her face in his side, and cried. Someone brought her a tissue, and she cried. For a long long time, she cried. When she was done, she lay still. She felt... weak. There was pain, lots of it. But mostly, she felt terribly weak. She did not feel like she could climb the mountain before her.

Charlie shifted. It had been a long night.

Carlisle noticed. "Charlie would you care to sleep? We have an extra bed upstairs."

Charlie nodded – he hadn't slept during the night, while they all waited to see if Bella would... wake up, but now that she had made it, his body was crying for rest.

Bella watched him go, but couldn't muster the energy for any more upset. Edward was trying to stare at her without staring. Her eyes began to droop. Edward was holding her hand. Gently.

Suddenly, Carlisle was talking, moving, wiping and touching at the blood leaking down her side, but she couldn't understand what he was saying. She tried to tell him to leave her alone, and found that she couldn't use her mouth. It was hard to blink, her eyes kept getting stuck shut.

When they stayed shut, she found herself drifting down the red river again. She couldn't stay, not for now. She'd be back to her river soon, she decided. She pushed herself towards the sound of Edward's quiet, dry sobs.

"Ed..." she tried.

"Bella," he said, smiling at her. His smile was heaven.

She licked her lips and tried again. "Edward. I can't do this. Please don't ask me to do this."

"Bella," frowned Edward. "What do you mean?"

"Please, don't make me do this. I can't. I just... I want to go."

"Go where?"

"Go."

Edward stared, realization and horror blossoming on his face. "No, Bella, no," he cried. "Don't leave me here."

"Come with?" she whispered.

"Bella?" he whispered, knowing that no amount of whispering would keep this from his Father's ears.

"Come with me," she whispered more insistently. "I ... don't ask me to do what Rose does. I can't. I can't."

"But Bella, you could live many more years as a human..." he began.

"No," she said. "I ... keep floating away. If I go... I won't come back."

He clamped his jaw shut. "We could ... change you..." He was horrified that he was even offering it, but anything, anything was better than what she was suggesting.

"No, please, no... it's too late for that now. Don't make me stay here with this, please don't." She was staring at him, terrified he would take this choice from her.

His voice broke. "But Bella, please, please don't leave me."

"Come with me?" she said again.

"Bella, I can't... there isn't a way for me to do that. And... what if I don't come with you?"

She gave a little knowing smile. "You are going to ... kill him, right? All of them?" He nodded. "Don't come home. Come with me. You will. I know you will."

He looked at her for a long moment. Her beautiful brown eyes, so sad with all they'd seen. The cuts that would scar and leave her marked forever. And he thought about the marks he couldn't see. The ones that tortured her.

He could kill them. And he could let them take him out in the process. It seemed... delightfully simple. When she put it that way. And she was so sure, that he would go with her. Even if he didn't, it wouldn't matter. He couldn't stay without her.

He nodded.

She sank back against the bed. A faint smile passed her face. "I love you," she murmured. "I don't regret anything."

"I love you too Bella. You are the best thing that ever happened to me."

As her eyes closed she brought a memory of her face with her. As she drifted further and further down the red river, she couldn't feel his hand on hers anymore. She couldn't feel much of anything anymore. She let the blissfully numbness take her over the waterfall, let the red rain wash away all the pain.

* * *

><p>Chapter title and excerpt are from "Surrounded" by Chantal Kreviazuk. (I feel like I should yell, 'I told you it was going to be dark!'.) Reviews?<p> 


	11. We Will Become Silhouettes

Last one guys. Apparently I shocked everybody. Sorry.

I don't own Twilight.

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 11 – We Will Become Silhouettes<span>

_And I'm looking through the glass where the light bends  
>At the cracks<br>And I'm screaming at the top of my lungs pretending  
>The echoes belong to someone<br>Someone I used to know_

Back in the room in the Cullen's beautiful house, Carlisle was trying to close the wound that had come open for a third time. Edward reached out, and stopped him.

"Edward," he said, never stopping.

"She asked me to let her go," said Edward. "I ... have to let her." This was... love; letting her choose her own fate, not forcing his ideals on her.

Carlisle stopped moving.

"Are you sure?"

Edward nodded. Carlisle sat down. "Edward... you are going to go through with this?"

"I have to."

"What am I going to tell the others? What am I going to tell Charlie?"

"Tell them the truth. That those fucking wolves killed her. They did. The fact that she kept walking around didn't mean she wasn't dead. Carlisle, you didn't see her, you didn't see her face when she saw that we were back. You didn't see her sit there, and tell us it was her fault. You didn't see her panic and forget where she was, WHO she was." He continued to rub her hand, oh so gently. It was getting colder. Her heart was slowing as it tried to pump blood that wasn't returning.

"She asked me to let her go. I failed her so spectacularly in everything else she'd ever asked me for." He ground his jaw to keep from breaking down. "I have to do this for her. I have to let her go. And I can't live without her. I can't. I tried, I failed. Carlisle, you know this – you couldn't do it without Esme, right? I'm sorry. I'm sorry for you and for the rest, but please, just let me go?"

Carlisle nodded, and then rose to hug him.

"If I fail, you won't let them get away with it, will you?" asked Edward in a small voice.

Carlisle looked as his first son, the one he had loved first, the one he was losing. He looked so sad and so young. So much like he had in 1917. He'd almost lost him once, and would now lose him for good. And yet, he couldn't stop him. He had to let him make his own choices.

Bella stopped breathing.

Edward walked out the door. He had a Big Bad Wolf to take out.

_but in the garden of simple  
>where all of us are nameless<br>you were never anything but beautiful to me  
>and, you know, they never really owned you<br>you just carried them around  
>and then one day you put 'em down<br>and found your hands were free_

* * *

><p>*hides under the bed* Sorry. Chapter title and excerpt are from "We Will Become Silhouettes" by The Postal Service. Ending excerpt is from "Garden of Simple" by Ani DeFranco.<p>

Thanks to all who have reviewed, and stuck with me through this dark little journey. I swear I'm not actually depressed. lol_  
><em>


End file.
